H.M. Stoner Ink And Image

If you’re a mom of preteen/teenagers then you know all to well how utterly ridiculous the music our children listen to today is. Seriously, have you heard these lyrics?! I just don’t understand why they want to listen to this garbage.

So naturally, the next thing to do is turn on my playlist, shuffling music from ’97 to ’02 . I’m cleaning the house, be-bopping around, listening to the usual Top pop or country hits featuring BSB, Britney Spears, N*sync, Tim McGraw & Kenny Chesney, I’m thinking to myself…. THIS! This right here is the stuff they should be listening to.

Then it happens BAM! out of nowhere. The orchestra starts playing, and I hear it, those four words that would stop every 13 year old in there tracks in early 2000. ” This thing right here…” I immediately go from Pop princess mom to shaking my “dumps like a truck” in 30 seconds flat. And when Sisqó asks, without hesitation I reach inside the right side of my yoga pants to pull on the top of my mom panties suddenly remembering that after five kids I don’t wear thongs anymore.

I can’t stop though , I’ve come this far and my kids are already bearing witness to a glimpse of who I once was. So I let the song play out patiently waiting for that next track to cycle through. Sk8er boi, OK I agree this is still maybe not the best song I ever listened to but it might paint a better picture of who I once was then the thong song.

As if I wasn’t already feeling embarrassed enough about my earlier trip down memory lane, I read through my sons text messages later only to find out he was texting his girlfriend during my two-minute musical affair with Sisqó in the kitchen. His words were and I quote ” I have got to get out of here it’s getting really weird really quickly, now she’s singing about thongs!’

Any other song, it could’ve literally been ANY. OTHER. SONG. Why couldn’t I have shaken my ass with Mystikal?! or sang along with Shaggy, because it sure wasn’t me on the bathroom floor! But no my iTunes playlist decided that “The Thong Song” was the best choice for me in that moment. It became abundantly clear in that moment that I have absolutely no business judging my children’s musical interests.