When you hear someone say, Silent Birth, what comes to mind? Scientology perhaps? Well I can tell you without a doubt that I am in no way a member of the Church of Scientology, or looking to be. But I now have given birth three times without screaming like a lunatic, and have done so with no pain management. So now you must be thinking, WHY!?
Well for starters I am stubborn, and I was told I would be begging and screaming for an epidural. Therefor, I did not. But in wanting to prove people wrong I learned so much about myself instead.
Vaginal Birth #1: 7lbs 12oz and spent around 30 min. pushing.
Vaginal Birth #2: 9lbs 7oz and spent a whopping 8 min. pushing.
Vaginal Birth #3: 9lbs 1oz and pushed the baby out onto the bed before the could finish preparing.
I now know that I have a very high pain tolerance, but I believe that pain tolerance is mostly a state of mind. Its simply a matter of mastering the right state of mind to stay calm and quiet while having a baby. Which brings us to the next question, HOW!?
Let me start with a line from Country Music Star Eric Church
Turn the quiet up, turn the noise down.
To me, turn the quiet up simply means to focus on something else, a sound, an object or a vision in your head. To turn the noise down is to allow yourself to ignore what is happening around you. Easier said than done right?
With my first child, I found that I was able to do these things by having people I loved and trusted in the room with me, but talking and goofing off with each other while completely ignoring me. At that time, if I had only had one person in the room with me, I would have felt like it was my job to keep that person entertained instead of being able to focus on getting past the pain.
So while my five chosen ones were carrying on I was laying there in silence with a wet washrag over my face to hide any unpleasant expressions I might be making. I took deep breaths, I closed my eyes, and I pictured what it would look like to be walking in the clouds.
Before I even realized that my son was ready to pop out the nurses had come in, half the hospital bed had disappeared, and I was 3 feet off the ground with my legs being held. ITS GO TIME!
For me, the worst part of pain is not having the power to do anything about it. When you choose to have no pain medication, you are allowing your body to have power over your mind. Which also, for me, gave me the power to push with all my might. And the more it hurt, the harder I pushed. This being my first time, I didn’t know exactly what was happening to me, all I knew was that my body took over and I was having a baby.
I was about fifteen minutes into pushing when I noticed my grandma beside me starring at the monitors and swaying back and forth. And just as quick as I noticed her, the doctor was attempting to explain to me that they were loosing the heart beat and would feel better if they could put a fetal monitor on the babies head. I really didn’t know what all that meant, so I agreed. Not long after his head was out but the doctor was afraid that I was going to tear, so again I said “Do what you gotta do”
The expression on my little cousins face when the doc had scissors in hand I will never forget. Nor will I forget the look she made when in medical terms, had a full episiotomy. Full meaning, from one hole to the other.
It was quick after that, I gave birth to a beautiful, smurf looking cone head. I have to say that to keep back the tears from the truth. His cord had been wrapped, so he was so blue, and he spent a little to much time in the birth canal causing his head to be shaped like a cone.
The nurses began on him and his amazing screams started filling the room. I however, was starting to fade. My body started going into a state of shock. I had lost so much blood that my body temperature dropped drastically causing me to shiver violently. The nurses started tossing on blankets trying to get me to warm up. Honestly I don’t remember much else, except that I made it through it without any other complications.
It wasn’t until I saw the blood stain on my babies little cap that I realized what it meant to put a“ fetal monitor on him. A fetal scalp electrode is much like a little screw with a wire attached to it. The doctor screws it into the top of the babies head. Yes thats right, they put a screw into the soft spot of a babies head.
If that wasn’t bad enough, during the process of them removing the screw from my sons head he contracted a bacterial infection in his blood stream. That’s a post for another day.
My second child was a completely different experience, yet much the same.
I had done a lot of research, and spoke with my doctor and nurse mid-wife at great length about what I wanted from my birthing experience. Honestly, I wanted to have my daughter at home… but had no clue who would clean up the mess…. So that idea went out the window rather quickly.
The week leading up to my due date I was anxious and just ready to meet my little girl, but as my due date arrived, well I guess she wasn’t ready to meet me.
We spent every day after my due date walking around the neighborhood trying to coax her out, and on Day 5… yes 5 days AFTER my due date is the day she would finally arrive.
Sunday May 8th, 2011 was mother’s day. It started out pretty normal, and is now known to me as the last mothers day I was able to share with my son alone. I went to bed that night feeling the same as I had been, which was pregnant, huge, and ready to have a baby!
I woke up about 2:00am feeling like my“ bladder was going to explode, after I went and peed, I headed downstairs for a late night snack. This had become my normal routine only it normally accrued around 4:00am. By the time I got downstairs I had to pee again, so into the bathroom I went. This time it just felt different, but I didn’t want to jump to any conclusions as I was determined not to be the girl rushing to the hospital with Braxton Hicks contractions. Although at 5 days late it wasn’t likely. So I decided to have a seat and see what happens.
Well needless to say sitting was highly uncomfortable and my lady parts felt like they were being punched from the inside out. (Actually, technically, the were!) I tried to time the contracts but those damn things kept making me loose track of where I was. Yep, time for the hospital.
I gathered up my bags and placed them by the door quickly checking to make sure they were all there, then I hobbled my ass back up them stairs to wake up my husband….
When we arrived at the hospital I lied to the admitting nurse and told her my water broke. You see, in my family our water simply does not break and I know my body better then any women sitting at a computer screen making the decision to get me a room or not.
It was 3:30 AM and back to my room I went, and got all settled in and hooked up to the machines. Then those odd words, “Mrs. Stoner, do you feel pain right now?!” Uh YES, I’m in freaking labor right now, yes I feel pain you nit wit! Okay well you should since your contractions are about 2.5 min apart, and you are 6cm dilated.
They let me know they would call the doctor and get her to come in right away, and by right away I mean after she has woken up and fed her daughter. You see since I was not screaming like a lunatic they assumed I wasn’t quiet ready to deliver. It was nearly 7:30 AM before my doctor arrived and came in the room to see me.
In the meantime I had my earbuds in and had been listing to my playlist that I had created just for this occasion. It wasn’t quiet what you might expect either. It started off with songs by Aerosmith, Poison, Linkin Park, and Three Days grace, then eased into “Push It” by Salt ‘N Pepa and “Eye of The Tiger”.
My husband was a little beside himself since by my request all he had to do was sit in the chair and shut the hell up. I didn’t want anyone to talk to me, I didn’t want ice chips, or even a hand to squeeze. Just me, myself, and my iPod was all I needed to wait out the contractions.
I remember when the doctor came in to see me she said she was going to break my water and then they would start getting ready. (They still thought they had time.) So once again, there went half the bed, and a ready made water catcher appeared. It didn’t take much but a quick poke from the doctors croche hook and GUSH! there went water.
The doctor left the room, and the contractions were really intense by then. I kept thinking to myself that I would feel so much better if I could just squeeze or push. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks, YOU IDIOT! If your body wants to push, then by golly, its time to PUSH! I let my husband know and he quickly came to be at my side.
I hit the little button thing about five times to page the nurse, and when she came in I told her she needed to get the doctor I was ready to push. My doctor came in and told me we could get started, but before she even had a chance to finish putting on her scrubs she hollered to the nurses “WE HAVE A HEAD!”.
With one nurse on my left and Brian on my right they held my legs as I pushed for a second time. One nurse tried to ask the doctor if she wanted a chair to sit in, she just laughed at her and said she didn’t think this was going to take that long.
Six pushes and only minutes later at 8:22 AM Dr. Holman caught my little girl like a football and exclaimed, “Heather! She is as big as my three month old!”. I wasn’t looking at her though, I was watching my husband and smiling at his reaction to our daughter coming into the world.
While I was being stitched up and Elizabeth was getting cleaned everyone was waiting with anticipation to find out just how much she weighed. It seemed at the time to take much longer then the rest of the morning had. Then there it was… “nine, seven”. Wait what? As in 9lbs 7oz? Did I hear them right? Yep… sure did… a frigging three month old just came out of my lady parts.
My third child was by far the easiest delivery, and keeping the pace with her older sister she too was five days late. This time. I knew exactly what was happening, I had been having contractions for over a week, but I knew it wasn’t time. For those of you who have experienced overdue babies then you are aware that once you reach your due date, the Doc wants to see you EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.
So on day four past the due date, the doc said to me, if I didn’t have this baby in the next two days, she wanted to induce me. She knew that I wanted to avoid induction at all costs having went through what I did with my first born.
Day five was upon us, and I was headed in to see the doc confident that AB would make her appearance before the day was through. So legs up I went, time for the doc to see just how close I was. Without missing a beat, she looked at me and said “Do you feel that?!” “Yeah, I feel a little pressure” “A LITTLE PRESSURE?! SERIOUSLY?! Heather you were just having a contraction, and your already dilated 3 centimeters.” So after getting dressed we were instructed to head strait to the hospital, it was baby day.
If you think I went strait to the hospital, then you must have fallen asleep while reading because that’s just not who I am.
First, I made all the necessary calls letting the Moms know that it was go time. They already knew what they needed to do, and had instructions to pick up the other kids and bring them to the hospital. Then my husband and I went home so that I could grab my bags, eat, and just sit for a moment as a mother of four before my life changes.
(Wait I know your confused, This is my third birth story, but you read in the about section that I have five children and here I am talking about my last moment as a mom of four. Keep following and in time it will all make sense.)
To the hospital we went. Upon check in it was much like the my last daughter. “Hello, why are you hear, you don’t look like your in labor”. It really does get annoying when they act all condescending. I mean, I get it, there are all kinds of first time moms who show up and think they are having a baby like 10 times before it actually happens… but THATS NOT ME. And THIS ISN’T MY FIRST RODEO!
So they finally take me to a room, and I thought my husband was going to come unglued. There was dust on the ceiling fan, and it was right above the bed. I didn’t even notice, but he wouldn’t let me sit on the bed until it was either taken care of or they moved us to a different room. Ultimately they decided to move us to a different room.
Once we were moved to the new room, we turned on the TV and got settled. The Doc came in and checked me, he said he needed to go pick his kid up from soccer and take him home, then he would be back. He was assuming that it would take me a while.
From this point, it only took about another hour for me to become 7cm dilated, and the pain was starting to make me feel nauseous. SVU was on the TV and I was trying to stay focused on that instead of the way I was feeling, but it wasn’t working to well.
I told the nurse I was ready to have the baby but she insisted I turn to my side. So I did what I was told, and I laid there knowing that this baby was trying to make her appearance. The nurse let me know the doc had made it back to the hospital and would be in to check on me soon.
And THEN…. in a sudden moment of realization… this lady put me on my side to SLOW ME DOWN… are you kidding me?! So with one quick swoop I moved onto my back once again, and told Brian, he better let them know I’m done waiting. Doc came in, acting all balh-zay thinking I still had a lot of time left.
I quickly let him know I was going to push, it was time to push… “okay” he said, while he continued to put on his gloves, only speeding up when he realized the baby was crowning. And then it was as if a “GO” button had suddenly been pushed, the nurses and everybody else finally started getting crap together because the baby …. was in fact coming NOW. A nurse made a comment about taking apart the bed to engage the stirrups but doc let her know that there was no need, we didn’t have time for that. And with one more big push Annabelle was born, her body coming out of my body and plopping on the bed caught by no one. I’ve vaguely remember the doctor making some sort of comment about me not wanting to wait on him and being impatient, he was trying to make a joke of course. To the best of my memory I don’t even think I responded to him.
The nurses still weren’t quite set up, so the doctor came over and picked up Annabel like a sack of potatoes and set her on me. I remember feeling frustrated because nobody has cleaned out her nostrils or checked her throat and she hasn’t really made any noise yet “dammit they need to do their job” I can recall thinking. I don’t really know how much time to pass before they finally took her from me and cleaned her up she made her baby sounds and all was right in the world.
So there you have it, no pain medication needed, no fancy medical knowledge, just pure and simple human instinct. Our bodies are capable of so much more than we give them credit for. Through my journey I have learned to trust my instincts pay attention to my body and know my body.
H.M. Stoner Ink And Image 
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